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My 2 cents on Frozen

I have had a bee in my bonnet about this for a while now and I finally decided it was time to write about it.  Today’s subject: Frozen.

There was a lot of fuss about this movie due to a Mormon blogging individual and her myopic diatribe.  My hubby read the article before we went to see it recently and we discussed it at length afterward.  As you may be able to tell from the above I think it is a theory full of generalities, paranoia, small-minded us-vs-them mentality, and fear, but perhaps I am being to harsh... *shrug*

I will tell you right out, I bawled through the movie, especially during ‘Let it go’ and I intend to share why further on.  It touched my husband in a simple and beautiful way and I think left him and our teen Tim, better people for seeing it.

The message that is being communicated in frozen is not so specific as to apply to one cultural movement.  It is to everyone in the human race.  For Elsa it is to learn to accept, understand, and love oneself.  By doing this we can truly love the world around us.  And Anna is an example of the amazing sacrifices we are able to make when we truly love ourselves and those around us.  It is a poignant message of sisterhood and the importance of your family.

But to that “well behaved” Mormon Grandmother I would posit two other options to add to the basic message of Frozen:

Elsa & Anna’s isolation as a metaphor for everyone’s teen years

I am going to start with the obvious one…

Do those who feel different from the way the world is telling them they should feel relate to this?  Of course.  Do those who identify as LGBT relate to this. Yes.  Does that make that community the targeted message of this movie or are they just a part of the greater audience who needs to hear the message.

Here I would like to point out that we live inundated in a false idealized and unrealistic world.  All the people we see in ads and magazines are photo-shopped, we are told that what we eat is food and good for you when it isn’t (I am looking at you tomato sauce on pizza counting a veggie serving in school lunches), And the people we elect to be honest judges and guides to our society aren’t.  It has left everyone feeling at least a little alienated and weird.

No one feels ‘normal’, especially not when your body is changing everything you knew to be normal into curves and clumsy awkwardness that makes you feel like a total dork with a target over your head.  Our brains are being crammed with information on who to be, how to act, what to look like, what to learn, who to know and the worst advice ever: to follow your heart.  Every teen feels isolated, if you didn’t then you are the exception not the rule.  And Sadly many people do not ‘grow’ out of feeling that isolation, they have to struggle and fight with it all their lives.

 Now onto the one that has deep personal meaning to me.

Elsa’s Acceptance of herself as correlation to sexual abuse recovery

Here is a subject I sadly know plenty about.  When I was 4 I was molested, we will leave it there and not drag in more details as they are not pertinent to my statement.  I was left, at 4 to mull over the statements my abuser told me “This was your fault, You made me do this, You are a bad girl”  At 4 years old the mind does funny things to protect itself.  My mind believed that lie and for the next 13 years until I was a high school senior, I felt like a horrible unforgivable sinner.  I still struggle with that unnamed guilty feeling and the panic attacks it has always brought with it every night when I try to go to sleep.

In essence I felt I had to protect everyone from my sins, from the harmful nature I believed I was born with.  So like Elsa I hid it from the world and even partly hid it from myself.  However the effects were there and like Elsa I isolated myself from the world, from friends, from family.  I had to protect them from the truth about me.

It took me 2 different councilors and over 15 months of intense weekly visits to get to the point where I had rooted out the overprotective fallacies that had built up my young personality and begin (just begin) to re-assemble myself into a whole, healthy person.  The active counseling ended in 1998 and here in 2014 I am still assembling myself.

I remember the moment when I ‘Let it go’, and this is what made me weep tears of empathy, appreciation, and unity during that song.  I remember the exact moment when I looked inward and realized I had forgive my abuser.  That moment all the angst, they hate, the anger that kept me from trusting anyone just blew away like snow in a storm.  For me the storm inside stilled and the sun came out. And to paraphrase, there I stood in the light of day and I was finally, FINALLY free.

Even if no one reads this, I would like to thank all the wonderful people in my life who make it all worth sticking around through the hard times, especially my husband Steve.  And Gail Szkula, where ever you are, thank you for showing me the way to myself.

Also all who worked on Frozen.  In my opinion it is one of the most inspired movies I have seen in my life and I do believe it will do and has done a lot of good for a lot of people.

The Weekend and the Black Dog

Been a few days...  Here is the recap:  Friday night Steve and T. and I went to the late showing of the Hobbit: Desolation of Smaug.  It was the second time seeing it in theaters.  The first was 3D and the movements were weird and jaggy, nothing like that in 2D.  Also I am in love with Thranduil so... But I adored Lee Pace when he was in Pushing Daisies.

Saturday we got our Bountiful Basket (Which is an awesome program: Bountiful Baskets) and I made a bunch of yummy veggie dishes for my friends who gathered that evening for our every-other-week gaming or Setherday as we call it since that is the only day we see the Seth.  M ran the session and we had fun, it is looking like a fun adventure is brewing.

Sunday we went to church and Steve got a splint for his thumb that has been aggravating him.  I wasn't feeling top notch so I spent most of Sunday in bed.

Today I have checked the internet, mail, my shopping lists, and touched base with family.  Going shopping to fill my new freezer later this evening.  Evening shopping is the easiest and least crowded for me.

Also I finally watched this video:

As a life long sufferer of depression from a family rife with it, I appreciate this video.  Someday I will have to write down my depression development story.  Winston Churchill called his depression the Black Dog and it is a very fitting description.

Take care world.

Quiet Days

So not much happened yesterday and today.  last night we had our weekly gaming session and that was really fun.  I love my character, she is an oracle with very specific clairvoyant abilities related to reading the past off of objects and people.  Oh and gun-fu.

Today M. and S. and I went to Tucanos for lunch and I have a wonderful delightful passion fruit mousse in the fridge for later.

I never did get started on those drawings, but I am planning on it tonight.  I have the hubby on nag duty for it.

Took some silly internet quizes that say I am Belle, Yoda, and a Tolkien-esue wizard.  Other than that I just did some work for my mum-in-laws site www.maryannscupboards.com.

Tireds, Bullies, and LOTR

It is an interesting thing that lately UpWorthy has posted a string of things that I can get behind.  Not their usual politically charged crap, but videos about female empowerment, bullying, and self respect.  It has been interesting because I have had a streak of thoughtful days with these videos.  Like the one I saw today:

Now I adore John and Hank Green and if you haven't seen Mental Floss or the vlogbrothers I highly recommend their videos.  They have created a community called the nerd fighters and it is a wonderful thing.  A group of like minded individuals of all ages coming together in celebration of all things you can be nerdy about.

That being said this is a touching video to anyone who was bullied in school, be it physical or emotional will find great value in it.  I was kind of a victim and had a big somewhat self-inflicted target over my head from 6-8th grade.  By ninth grade I just stopped caring so much what anyone else thought and started making myself into someone that I liked, that I wanted to be around.

A lot of things contributed to that decision, one of the biggest things was reading the Lord of the Rings.  My beloved Grandmother gave it to me on Christmas when I was 12 and I dove right in.  It was hard not to be inspired by so many selfless and heroic characters.  The other reason was that I was tired.  Tired of worrying about people judging me, tired of seeking approval, tired of hiding, tired of avoiding.

So I stopped.  And the odd thing was, as soon as I stopped the worrying, and the desperate seeking of approval from others, it got better.  When I stopped being overly nice, stopped being afraid, stopped being morose and picked on, it got better.  I started smiling all the time and started paying attention to others behaviors.  I started to see there was a balance to interaction, a give and take and if things were too much give or take they broke down.

This is all simplified a bit.  I had social interaction difficulties well into my 20's and I still prefer to interact in small intimate groups, but Jr. High was the crucible where I learned to observe.  I worry so much about my step-son T. in Jr.high right now.  He is SO worried about being bullied that I fear he is avoiding all human contact.  And as in all things in life, you are going to get the bad with the good, but the good is worth it.

When I start each blog I have a burning desire to be profound, honest, and uplifting.  I always feel like I fall short of that, but I keep reminding myself that this project isn't about all that.  It is a place for me to express my thoughts, in whatever form they ramble out in.

That being said...

My youngest sister Sara is coming to dinner tonight and she requested my infamous Jerk Pork and chutney for the meal.  I mix up my own jerk spice and make a triple berry chutney with apples, cranberry, blueberries, cherries, and a little onion.  It is Delicious. 

After dinner I am going to work on art, even though I am not feeling like it.  I have a book cover and a logo for World Horror Con to do.  Not to mention my twelve tales project that has been stymied for months.
I will post some pictures of the sketches tomorrow.

Also a tale to end on:  When I was a senior in High school and my life was a mess with my Mom's cancer and HepC and having to take care of the house and 5 siblings the youngest one being 2 so Dad could work his 60-80 hours a week so we could keep a house...  There was a day when some punk sophomore skinny butt cowboys decided to start mooing at me (I was around 250lbs at the time).  I ignored it, but out of the corner of my eye I saw some guys from my grade half drag them down the hall and give them a talking to.  I never had a problem after that.  I could not clearly identify who my heroes were, but from the bottom of my heart, Thank you.

Curry, Freezers, and Female Empowerement

Last night we defrosted the new freezer and got everything organized.  I am such a boring person, this new freezer space makes me giddy.  I will be able to save so much more time and money!

I also got my new cpap mask, oh it is so much more comfy.  Still I wish I did mot have sleep apnea at all.

Big for me today is this video:

Please watch, it is wonderful and to the point.  The world we live in is so hazardous for girls and their self esteem and we need to do something about it.  Women have the greatest capacity to effect change in their environments and these 'sexy' trends are systematically destroying that ability.  I wish I had the power to get this video to more than one or two women.

I am grateful to my religion for standing up to the objectification of women.  We may not hold the same positions as men, but I believe it is in large part because the positions we do have are so much more important.  As wives, mothers, sisters, friends, we are the thread that binds lives and families together and without that you have no society.  This is not to say the role cannot be reversed, some men are better suited to staying home and some women better suited to being the proverbial breadwinner.  But still a healthy strong family is created with at least one nurturer, best with two who work together.

Going to stop here to keep from rambling...

Today I am making curry for dinner, with pork and Brussels sprouts. I am out of Vermont Curry which is our favorite but I have some other brands of Japanese curry mixes I am going to try.  I am going to stuff it full of veggies too.

Sunday and Kefir

Sunday was a busy day.  We picked up a commercial upright freezer from a friend who is moving cross country for just $75, I am so excited to have it!  My freezer that is paired with my fridge is always packed tight and it is like playing jenga to get anything out.

Then we went to church (late) and ate meatball oven dinner when we got home.  Meatball oven dinner has been a family favorite since I was a kid, since my mom was a kid.  And after 8 years of cooking for my hubby I finally made it for him and he loved it.  So I am happy.

Had a fun conversation with my fellow ward librarian Karen yesterday.  We talked about kefir which I mentioned on Saturday.  Here is a Wikipedia article that gives you the basic idea of what it is: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kefir  Most common is milk kefir, but I use water kefir because it is less maintenance for me.

So my method is this:  I keep 2 pitchers on my counter, one for the kefir and one for tap water set out for the chlorine to evaporate from.  This is important as the chlorine can kill the kefir grains.

Every couple days I get my jug and my Plastic Mesh Strainer (metal is hard on the grains, use glass, plastic and wood when you can), then I strain the grains out as I am pouring the water into my jug.

I then Rinse the gains a little with the prepared water, fill the culturing bottle with about 1 quart of the prepped water and add 1/4 c. organic sugar and a teaspoon of molasses stirring with a wooden spoon.

Then the coffee filter gets elastic-ed over the lid to keep dust and things out.  I set it in a shady place or in a cupboard then add some flavor to the finished kefir and put it in the fridge because I like it cold.

This site has a lot of info on Kefirs as well as sells the grains:  http://www.culturesforhealth.com/kefir

Why do I go to the trouble?  Because I have a bad case of Irritable Bowel Syndrome and nothing I had tried previously helped it.  My sister recommended kefir and I tried it.  For the first time since I was a child I was able to go days, weeks, and even months without and attack as long as I was drinking the kefir.  I will never go back to those painful days.

Off to figure out what to make for dinner and then to clean and organize my new freezer.  ;D

Saturday Slump and Probiotics

So I feel awful today.  Just finishing a monthly ritual (aka my period) that has kicked my butt.  I am so worn out I have been on the comp playing games and researching things and doing nothing difficult all day.

I was minding my own business when I stumbled upon this video about "the American Parasite", it is long but very informative about candida, sugar, probiotics, and their effects in your body.  It is a pretty good and relatively well researched and a well documented video.
http://keybiotics.com/video_toon17a.php

And it is kind of cool to watch the drawing, so I kept watching.  And wow, just wow.  Not only has it described my physical symptoms, but it attributes them to candida, something I have suspected, and in my personal health experiments, blame for many of my ailments.

I was very skeptical as I watched until I realized just how accurate it was matching my physical symptoms (fatigue, headaches, IBS, depression, and many more) to what I have researched as a possible cause of my health issues.  I am not saying that this is the one answer, as there is rarely just one thing that causes the engine that is our bodies to malfunction.  I am just finding out that this is a big one, and one that we can deal with.

So much of our health is what we take into our bodies, and the over processed crap and high sugars we are accustomed to eating is killing us.  I have not cut sugars completely from my diet, but I have found that I am much healthier and happier when I steer away from them drastically.  Also with preservatives, I make my own sauces and soup mixes instead of using canned soups.  It is just a little step I take everyday to manage my health and the health of my family which is my full time job. (working vs stay at home wives is an entirely different topic for another time)

Now everyone has a system they want to sell you to deal with this (in this case a probiotic pill).  You don't need it, you just need some knowledge (unless of course you have the money and want a faster solution).  Look what is in your food, become familiar with what names sugar and  preservatives hide as, and be willing to change your habits.  Learn about your good gut bacteria and get your probiotics (Kefir is awesome!).

I am not even going to start on the probiotic soapbox today (I Love my water Kefir!).  I think I will save that for Monday as Sunday is a day for a different kind of study.

Do watch the video.  If nothing else it will get you thinking about ways to feel better.  And that is the first step.

Take 2...

So I am not off to a smashing start...  But little happened the past few days.  Here are the highlights:

Got to spend more time at my families house with Tami and Amberly, I adore my sisters.  I am so proud of Sara, she has been working hard at Wally-Mart and has lost 20lbs.

Steve (hubby) likes my Marinara sauce so much we had it 2 nights in a row for dinner.

Tim did finally get to present his final report in Utah History (he is in 7th grade).  After having computer problems the first try then losing the thumb drive and having to redo his paper cause he didn't save the file anywhere on the hard drive.

Ordered a new cpap mask after wearing my current one into the ground.  My mask style is$80 to replace, yuck.  Also got to order a few books on my favorite culture:  the Minoans.  Looking forward to reading about them.

Now that I write it all down, my life has got to look really boring to the casual observer.
Still doing this for me not anyone else.

Also moved into the 21st century with a smart(ish) phone upgrade.

New Years Project and Day One

So about 10 years ago I stopped writing in my journal daily because I developed some health issues which forced me to drop out of college and into a massive depression.  I didn't write anything for 10 years, all the lessons I learned, the good times I had, the memories of my grandma, lost because I was too depressed to write them.

So, my only goal for this year is to write here everyday.  I will not be fascinating everyday, some days may only be a sentence and I do not expect anyone to read it.  I just feel I need to do this and keep a place I can exercise my thoughts and record my experiences.

Anyone who takes the time to read them will be greatly appreciated and know that I feel so much of the support you send, and send it in return.  There will be art reports, dinner reports, kid reports, hubby reports, mental and emotional reports, gratitude reports, etc.

That being said here is todays entry:

Didn't sleep soundly last night, but I did get up at 7am to make breakfast.  To explain, it isn't an attempt to be a supper mom, I get up and make breakfast for 3 big reasons.  First, because I need to eat.  I feel so much better all day long when I do eat in the AM (It is a blood sugar thing).  Second, to save money on cereal.  And lastly it is to see my household off to a good day.

So as usual I made oatmeal with toasted pecans and cranberries.  Stayed up with April until 9:30, we did some of the activities in her Christmas princess book together (she is a very smart kid and my sis Tami is an awesome teacher).  Went back to bed as usual since I cannot function with less than 10 hours sleep (Thanks health issues...)  And didn't get out of bed till 3:30 PM.  I hate days when I sleep so much, makes me feel useless.  To be fair I needed it after the weekend and Monday I had, they just wore me out.

I am about to go make dinner, sausage and peppers with cabbage and butter potatoes.  Yummy yummy!

Best news today though is that I am feeling mentally alert and emotionally fantastic.  This is in large part to getting to spend time with my sister Tami, she fills my bucket.  And to the patience of my family and hubby who is awesome.

Oh and Tim just brought up a basket of clean towels, what a good kid!  I do love folding clothing, odd I know.

Great Pen & Ink: 6 Jack Kirby

This month I am highlighting Jack Kirby.

First off please read and respond to this article: "As 'The Avengers' will Make Millions, Creator Kirby May Get Squat" 
To stand up and help out check these:
A Buck for Jack
The Jack Kirby Museum

Jack Kirby, the man responsible for creating and illustrating so many iconic comic book characters.  In fact his art is large part what made them iconic.  Captain America, one of my long time fav's he created with Joe Simon in the 1940's.  Check out the following:

Jack Kirby was insanely prolific and highly creative.  Jim Vadeboncoeur Jr.'s article on him at JVJP's Illustrators site is wonderfully done and very informative (see link below).  My favorite thing about Kirby is his ability to narrate a story visually and how he uses subtle cues in layout and motion to lead the eye through several frames.

For further reading and to see more art check out the following:

JVJ Publishing Illustrators
Roc's Nest

Wikipedia

The Jack Kirby Museum

Great Pen & Ink: 5 Joseph Clement Coll

Great Pen & Ink: 5 Joseph Clement Coll

Nice to be back at this art appreciation thing ;). 

So today we have Joseph Clement Coll, an illustrator from the golden age of illustration at the early part of the 20th century.  His style is fantastic, flowing, and dynamic.  With nothing more than lines his work conveys passion, violence, and wonder.  Sadly he did not live a long life and these days his amazing pieces are barely known.

For further reading on the man and to see more art, check the following:
Wikipedia
Illustrators
Flesk Publications Gallery 

Great Pen and Ink: 4- John R. Neill

For the Blog this fortnight we have John R. Neill.  I am bias with this one too since I had a bunch of Oz books from my Grandma that he has illustrated.  His simple flowing line style had a significant influence on my art.

"John Rea Neill (November 12, 1877 - September 13, 1943) was a magazine and children's book illustrator primarily known for illustrating more than forty stories set in the Land of Oz, including L. Frank Baum's, Ruth Plumly Thompson's, and three of his own.[1] His pen-and-ink drawings have become identified almost exclusively with the Oz series. He did a great deal of magazine and newspaper illustration work which is not as well known today."  -from Wikipedia.

For a more complete Bio please visit the official page: John R. Neill

To see the article previous please visit the Metallic Visions Blog

Hey I'm Still here!

So here are some updates...

The Enfinitea experiment only proved to me that I just cannot handle caffine without flairing.  I would take them if there was a caffine free option.

We have our house and love it, I have a before and after shot of the kitchen for all of you:

And my Studio in all of it's messy glory:

When Steve and I married we had all of my herbs and spices and all of the 10 yr old watkins spices he got left with after his divorce.  It was a lot of herbage to deal with.  So the other day I got rid of all the herbs and spices that had lost their wham and cleaned out the bottles.  The watkins herbs were in these perfectly sized glass bottles and I hate throwing glass away.  So I utilized my wonderful and useful label-maker and re-vamped how I keep my spices.

I love how it turned out and there is so much more space in my little cupboard.

Take joy while you can.

I am happy, happy because I have a safe place and the man I love more than anything. So over the thanksgiving break my boyfriend Steve asked me to marry him. Actually, his exact words when i told him, once again, that he should marry me were as follows: "It's not like I haven't thought about it." Said has he presented me with a ring. It was charming and fit with our relationship.

On the evening of December 21st, the winter solstice, we were married by a dear old friend on mine who is a licensed pagan minister. It was a lovely and simple ceremony and my hubby liked the idea of everyday of our marriage becoming brighter as the days lengthened. He can be such a romantic. Both my parents and his parents were there and his kids, Tim and Alexandria, were our best man and bridesmaid as it were. My youngest sister Sara was also my bridesmaid. Our closest friends, Beth and Seth were there as well as the much missed Mike and Leah who also served as witnesses. We decorated the living room with snowflakes and candles. The entire ceremony was candle lit and just lovely.

The we spent the first week of our marriage packing up my apartment... We survived it so that bodes well for our relationship.

The only real downside at the moment is that my entire studio is in boxes and it is making me a wee bit crazy. I miss my jewelry making and my beads and my masks and fabric. It is temporary though since we found the perfect house and are in the process of convincing a bank they want to let us have it.

I need to draw more, desperately need to draw more. I am losing my muscle memory for it and that is a very bad thing. So since the big studio stuff is unavailable I have been drawing and experimenting with ideas to combine my 2d and 3d art.

Trying also to get all my pages linked up and cut out the things I can do without to save money since I make zero on my stuff lately. Events are coming up though and things may turn around. I am hopeful, always hopeful, and grateful that I am in a position that I can do what I love and treasure. That I can create and make things that uplift my soul and share them with others.

I started another blog just for art things, this one will be more personal. Not that anyone reads them, not even my husband (haha).

the other blog: http://metallicvisions.wordpress.com/

Pain and Persistance

I have had some degree of fibromyalgia and a severe case of both depression and social anxiety for 16 years brought on after a brain condition triggered by my acne medication. Up till recently I thought the pain and aches were just my weakness, just me being wussy. It was an odd thing to go from a healthy mildly overweight but active teenager to a suicidal obese space cadet overnight. I managed to survive for the most part and went to college, had to take of a semester to attend counseling to help get over sexual abuse as a child, but then I went back to a university rather than a college and was accepted into their illustration program. It was so hard and I missed a lot but managed to nearly make it through before I crashed and had to drop out because I had developed sleep apnea and could not drive to school anymore.

I spent several years taking care of people and ignoring myself, it was an old habit. I took care of my friends 2 kids for a year, took care of my beloved grandparents until my grandmother died and my grandfather was put in a home, spent a year searching for a job I could do and beating myself up for my weaknesses. Ended up working for a year at a motel in the graveyard position and that was just bad. It was easy enough work but the hours and the exposure to deadbeats cooking meth in their motel rooms took it's toll. In Sept of 2006 I crashed hard. I spent over a month in bed. By this time I was out of my families house (though I love them dearly they are high stress and my sisters tend to devalue everyone Else's pain and tell you that you there is no help and you will just have to deal with it and work harder.) So I was living with a friend who was incapable of helping anyone else. No boyfriend, poor family who had no time for me, broken friend to live with, no job, no hopes.

I started my business in desperation. I needed something I could do from home and something that would help restore my spirit. It worked, sort of. My dear Aunt has been supporting me financially since then and I have had some very limited successes. June 2007 I went with my youngest sister and best friend to a festival thing in Ohio (I live in Utah) It was a risk, especially since it was just me and a 15yr old crossing the country in a rented car. It was a fun drive and a miserable event and when I got home I crashed hard again. and 5 months later my roommate abandoned me to full rent, but I turned her room into my sewing room.

I have just, early this year, gotten back to some kind of normal level but it has become painfully obvious to me and others that even with work I will never get back to the energy level I was at before the motel job fiasco. Worse I have developed conditions over the years that aggravate the fibromyalgia. I have to watch everyday what I do, how I sit and stand, what I eat, when and how I sleep... that alone is exhausting. To top it off, my father and brother both of whom are Nurses do not believe it is a real condition.

Dark as it all seems, my mother is a wonderful person who never fails to renew some of my spirit. My boyfriend (dating 1 1/2 years) treats me with respect and love and encourages me. And even though it often seems very much like my art and crafts are entirely shunned and unwanted, I get to do what I like, at least for now. So what if I have to spend a week here fighting depression and a week there fighting debilitating pain, it reminds me I am alive and gives me fuel for my art. And I am not the only artist with such trials. If others can do it so can I.

I thank you so much for the courage to tell your tale. I apologize for the absurd length of it. Thank you.
-Bobbie

To begin with...

Well this has been a long time in coming, no matter how much I have fought against it. I, Bobbie Berendson, have joined the blogger community. (listens to the cries of horror and the pandemonium in the streets.) I have no idea just how to do this, so I will just spit it all out and see what happens.

I am an artist in the truest sense of the word. Everything in my life is touched by my creativity, I can't help it, it is just what I have always done. It has been a release for so many things in my life that I have had no control over: sexual abuse, family illnesses, my own illnesses and stumbling blocks, my genes, the list goes on. I credit my mother with much of my attitude, I usually face things with a smile and a considerable amount of faith. However, the issues in my life, especially my childhood, left me a lonely introvert.

I started drawing seriously in 7th grade. I also started writing around then too, I wanted to be a writer and though that didn't pan out I still have a wealth of tales to tell in my head. Art was more practical for me since I could aim for a scholarship in art to help me get into college. I had a lot of help and a wealth of wonderful teachers, from high school to UVSC to BYU. Unfortunately It turned out that I just wasn't a good enough artist at the time I finished my illustration program at BYU to get a job. It doesn't help that my talents fit better in the age of pulp magazines than they do in our modern world.

Due to the fact that no matter how much I looked and applied I could not get a job that I could do with my physical limitations as well as the fact that this silly art thing left me frustrated and strongly compelled to keep creating things; I dared open my own little internet shop in the spring of 2006. Metallic Visions was born.

Now days 2D art has become more of a hobby to me and I spend more time making my own kind of unique jewelry, masks, and sculpture than anything else. I like what I do, no I love it, I love creating things and this current venture of mine uses so many of my skills, which is a nice thing when you are a jack of all trades with not one mastered. I hate trying to sell them, it also doesn't help that I am clinically depressed and suffering from social anxiety bordering on agoraphobia. But I have learned in my life that the only person you can count on 100% is yourself and if I want people to see what I can do I will have to show them, even if I am terrified and it burns me out. Thus the creation, in part, of the blog.

So often I wish that I could be like so many other people and be satisfied with a regular job and a regular hobby. That is not for some of us, some of us are artists and come what may we must create. It is our duty, our curse, our gift, and our salvation, and at the end of the day I am grateful for it.

Now I just wish I could make a living with it.... heheheh