Tireds, Bullies, and LOTR

It is an interesting thing that lately UpWorthy has posted a string of things that I can get behind.  Not their usual politically charged crap, but videos about female empowerment, bullying, and self respect.  It has been interesting because I have had a streak of thoughtful days with these videos.  Like the one I saw today:

Now I adore John and Hank Green and if you haven't seen Mental Floss or the vlogbrothers I highly recommend their videos.  They have created a community called the nerd fighters and it is a wonderful thing.  A group of like minded individuals of all ages coming together in celebration of all things you can be nerdy about.

That being said this is a touching video to anyone who was bullied in school, be it physical or emotional will find great value in it.  I was kind of a victim and had a big somewhat self-inflicted target over my head from 6-8th grade.  By ninth grade I just stopped caring so much what anyone else thought and started making myself into someone that I liked, that I wanted to be around.

A lot of things contributed to that decision, one of the biggest things was reading the Lord of the Rings.  My beloved Grandmother gave it to me on Christmas when I was 12 and I dove right in.  It was hard not to be inspired by so many selfless and heroic characters.  The other reason was that I was tired.  Tired of worrying about people judging me, tired of seeking approval, tired of hiding, tired of avoiding.

So I stopped.  And the odd thing was, as soon as I stopped the worrying, and the desperate seeking of approval from others, it got better.  When I stopped being overly nice, stopped being afraid, stopped being morose and picked on, it got better.  I started smiling all the time and started paying attention to others behaviors.  I started to see there was a balance to interaction, a give and take and if things were too much give or take they broke down.

This is all simplified a bit.  I had social interaction difficulties well into my 20's and I still prefer to interact in small intimate groups, but Jr. High was the crucible where I learned to observe.  I worry so much about my step-son T. in Jr.high right now.  He is SO worried about being bullied that I fear he is avoiding all human contact.  And as in all things in life, you are going to get the bad with the good, but the good is worth it.

When I start each blog I have a burning desire to be profound, honest, and uplifting.  I always feel like I fall short of that, but I keep reminding myself that this project isn't about all that.  It is a place for me to express my thoughts, in whatever form they ramble out in.

That being said...

My youngest sister Sara is coming to dinner tonight and she requested my infamous Jerk Pork and chutney for the meal.  I mix up my own jerk spice and make a triple berry chutney with apples, cranberry, blueberries, cherries, and a little onion.  It is Delicious. 

After dinner I am going to work on art, even though I am not feeling like it.  I have a book cover and a logo for World Horror Con to do.  Not to mention my twelve tales project that has been stymied for months.
I will post some pictures of the sketches tomorrow.

Also a tale to end on:  When I was a senior in High school and my life was a mess with my Mom's cancer and HepC and having to take care of the house and 5 siblings the youngest one being 2 so Dad could work his 60-80 hours a week so we could keep a house...  There was a day when some punk sophomore skinny butt cowboys decided to start mooing at me (I was around 250lbs at the time).  I ignored it, but out of the corner of my eye I saw some guys from my grade half drag them down the hall and give them a talking to.  I never had a problem after that.  I could not clearly identify who my heroes were, but from the bottom of my heart, Thank you.